She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
