So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize