Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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