Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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