If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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