We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
