dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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