Will you blow on my dice?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
