Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've blown a few things in my day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
