I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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