Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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