he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You pole danced in your parka.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
