We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
