Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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