you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
