"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
