You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
