She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize