dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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