I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
