Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
