i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
