woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
