How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
that may or may not have been my penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
