I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i out mim tonsoeep
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