Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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