so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
