Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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