i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
