i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
