Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize