is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
