Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
