One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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