I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She is in my trunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Houston, we have a blender
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
