Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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