I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
