I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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