I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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