"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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