we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
