Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
