Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
