Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
