my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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