You smell like stripper and shame
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
