I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Enjoy the penises
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
