Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
