Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
