yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize