Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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