it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh god it's open bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
