He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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