I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
