I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
