Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
