What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
