i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
