3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
