Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize