WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
