Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
