Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
