i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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