Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
