did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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