You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
