My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
is it fun? or sober?
The ass gains better be worth it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
