I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize