if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
