I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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