Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize