I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
