So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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