So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
