Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
