you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
