38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
