got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
