Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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