This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
