I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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