At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
