Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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