I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
