I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize