none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
