forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
