And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
