make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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