He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
