Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize