hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
