Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
