What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just blew my weed a kiss
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
