the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
