the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
