How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
