We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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