I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
