I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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